Reality Check – Lindsay Manfredi

Ashley: I'm Dr. Ashley Weis. I'm a child adolescent psychiatrist. And I'm Serena Chaudry. I'm a clinical social worker and we are the co-founders of Epic nola, which is the Early Psychosis Intervention Clinic in New Orleans. And also the co-founders of Calm, clear answers to Louisiana Mental Health.

Ashley: I'm super, super excited to have a very special guest on this episode of Reality Check, Lindsay Manti. Applause. Lindsay is an author, a musician, a craft queen, so many things, and so we're really glad that you're here. I don't even know where to start. In terms of everything that I wanna know, but I think, oh, I did wanna tell you a funny story, okay.

Ashley: Aw. And I was like, oh really? Who? And she was like, Lindsay. And I was like, oh gosh. How do you know Lindsay? She's like, her book. It's so awesome. That is awesome. I was, I was like, I love Lindsay and met Lindsay because I love the band that she's in. So it was like, it was really cute. She was, she's really pumped about your book.

Lindsay: That's good. That's good. I'm working on a new one, so I'm really pumped about that.

Lindsay: Well, well, unfuck with a bull and I explain it in the book.

Lindsay: Dial it in for a month and then life would happen and I would just do whatever. And, but I really wanted to write the book because I went, was going through a terrible breakup and I, I just had to reassess my entire life. And what I had found is that I had gotten away from my spiritual life and meditating and God, and I am.

Lindsay: And just identifying those and overcoming them. But I share my love stories, like my major love. It's very intimate and detailed, I'll say. So it's a good, it's a good read for, we wanna know about Lindsay, does she go through, but it's also a great read, read into, oh my God, I realized all this negative stuff that I was doing.

Serena: Congrats. Congrats. Yeah. Super awesome. I found your book to be super inspiring. I love your vulnerability. I love your boldness, and clearly you're very clear about right, the journey it's been to go from where you were to where you are, and I really appreciated all of the suggestions. That you lead throughout the book.

Serena: So I'm curious, you had this first book, it's awesome, it's inspiring, it's bold. What inspired you to do book two?

Lindsay: I kind of a crazy toxic pattern in a relationship that meant, and I. And so it made me go all the way to my past because I realized I had been settling for a lot of relationships, including my first marriage when I was 27 years old over something that my father had said to me when I, I started getting tattooed when I was 18.

Lindsay: And, but I remember when I had just had Chevelle, my father was like, I don't know who's ever gonna wanna be with you. You're like unmarried and have a baby and tattooed. Like you're never gonna find a normal person who's gonna love you. And I didn't even realize it until this last year that like that made me like, oh, there's a normal person.

Lindsay: So through a lot of therapy and meditation and journaling and writing, I've been able to get on a path where I can have love with knowing my worth. And not so hard for people to understand their worth. Yeah. There's so much in their past that they don't feel like I I, who's gonna forgive me? Who's gonna understand me?

Lindsay: Who's gonna see me? And when we stop being our own worst enemy, we can move beyond that and find the greatness within ourselves. And I feel like I'm a good conduit to share that information. Yeah, in my example, so for sure,

Ashley: And I think in our work, it happens all the time where it's like things look great from the outside, but on the inside it's much, much different and a much more. Mm-hmm. Can be a really scary place. And then being in environments that are, that you've almost, you've like adapted yourself to somehow live in them and they feel awkward.

Ashley: And then yeah, you're like growing up and holy shit. I was, now I'm just starting to be able to embrace those things and yeah, it's,

Lindsay: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and a lot of people don't wanna do it. It's like they're very simple steps, just like the steps in Uck with the bull, Hey, maybe you should do this. But it's not easy because it takes like serious commitment to yourself, and a lot of people are too lazy. Honestly,

Serena: and I think you do a great job of painting that picture in un fuck with the ball because you talk in like detail about how hard it is, like the details of what's not working, what you're facing, what like you're feeling, which isn't great and isn't good.

Serena: It takes courage and I just appreciate the courage you had to share your journey in your book, and I really think it's an awesome book for anyone to read, specifically some of our patients.

Ashley: Yeah, for sure. And I love about the book where it's very clear that even though you don't talk, uh, it's like, so things are not pleasant.

Ashley: You know, you don't internalize it. Like, it never becomes like a, it's like a, it's not me, but you never take it like it's you and you're some sort of. It's an issue that you can be objective about. It doesn't define you, and you can actually 1 million take steps.

Lindsay: That's the, that's the. That I'm trying to teach the Dr. Emo, what, I forget his name, that did the study on water and how they had people yell, I hate you, you're disgusting. Fuck off. Mm-hmm. The water, and then froze it. And then I love you and thank you, and I'm so grateful. All of these things. And they froze that and that turned into beautiful crystals.

Lindsay: And like all of these beautiful things, I mean, this is a science-based study. Our bodies are comprised mostly of water. So the things that we say to ourselves matter so fucking much. So when you can say, Ugh. I feel so gross today. I'm so what? Insert. Whatever word is, whoa. Wait a minute. I'm doing the best I can do today.

Lindsay: I am so grateful. Just start with the little things and start to pivot and get up that, climb that ladder to where, oh.

Lindsay: To do stuff, to be, to create, to make different choices, to spread love to people, because I think that we all just need to be loved and that's what we.

Ashley: Yeah, it be, and it becomes habitual talking to, I see it all the day in clinic. It's all, I'm not gonna do this because I've got schizophrenia. Oh, I'm never gonna get this because I've got this, because I've got this.

Ashley: I'm like, it's all bullshit. Like stop

Lindsay: Use it for art use. Grab a easel and a canvas and go nuts. Like use. Use what God has you.

Lindsay: Self help. And it's like the internal family systems. We all have those different voices in our head, and it's about what we choose to listen to. Definitely. But it's also about acknowledging like, Hey buddy, let's, we're coming out to play today. All right. And speaking kindly to.

Ashley: Yeah. Oh, you're, I'm gonna put you back in time out That great.

Ashley: You're not healthy. If you

Lindsay: You could probably work.

Ashley: Oh, this is one of my, our patients this. Awesome. I love this, this awesome art. Right? Love it. Yeah. We have so many people and I love that part, and I usually use that to their, it's like the thing that feels most natural is when they're doing their more. Creative using the more creative parts of their brain.

Ashley: You can tell that's when they feel most comfortable and they feel like they've been the most like authentic. You know, it's not, it makes you

Lindsay: What is that? I

Ashley: honestly, and this is probably just where my mind's been most recently, it's really opened my. Mind up as a human to just the level of intense societal stigma and misunderstanding that it's just pervasive. Like it's everywhere. Like it's, you know, everybody's insane, everybody's psychotic, everybody's this, and someone like with.

Ashley: We try to take back the word right and give it like a, give it like a for, for real. Let people with psychosis use it the way that they want to use it. But it's just so many layers of out of external pressures that is a lot for a young adult to handle at all and Right. I think it's just sometimes a. The experience itself tends to make you feel more isolated because it is such a intense, in your mind experience.

Ashley: And I think that loneliness is one of the biggest issues that our people face. And it's not necessarily by choice, it's just I've come this far to where I'm able to like function and do my day to day, but I can't deal with, I can't deal with everything else out there. And so I just.

Serena: Protect

Ashley: myself. I'll

Serena: just, I'll just, yeah.

Lindsay: Yeah. I, I can't imagine. However, like I think that self-worth and when patients or humans understand that it's worth it, I can't speak to it. I wanna say instead of, oh, so there artistic. I dunno if any of this is making sense. I feel like I'm like going in a circle. What am I trying to say? I'm all about the self worth and yeah, it just takes time.

Lindsay: All that stuff takes time.

Serena: They're worthy of persevering and moving towards this goal, this vision of who they want to be. And I think right for you had your challenges that you name in the book, in the context of relationships and your upbringing and our patients have their challenges in the context of some of those things and psychosis and.

Serena: And there's more and there's life beyond. And so much is possible when that self worth, when there's space to cultivate that self worth. And I think that's what we're trying to do at Epic and with Calm is create more space for that.

Lindsay: Yeah. Building people up. That's like the most important thing and telling everybody, fuck everybody else.

Lindsay: The people of those around you and Right.

Serena: You just said something that I just wanna name being a kind human. I feel like we have a clinic full of some of the kindest humans, like really? Like kind, kind humans who I imagine with that sensitivity there's that fear of rejection is even mm-hmm. More heightened.

Lindsay: Yeah. Rejection's everywhere. Fuck everybody. It's like if you reject me, you're not for me. Thank you universe for showing me that this person sucks and I can move on. And there will, there will be other people to replace that.

Ashley: Yeah. I had a conversation with a little patient the other day. Who's got some really annoying voices, but he's also become, he's like 12.

Ashley: And I was like, have you ever just put 'em in timeout? And he is, no. I was like, why not? Like I didn't say fuck them. I said, the 12-year-old version of whatever. Mm-hmm. And I was like, you have to go to timeout when, like you make, when you say things that aren't cool, like you should just put 'em in timeout.

Ashley: And he was like, I, I think that I will. And he was like, and they will listen because they're like part of me. So he, they definitely have to listen to

Lindsay: me. So that's a great way to.

Lindsay: Go back, you're a protector. Whatever it is. That you're trying to tell me, put in time out. I

Lindsay: Am I working

Serena: with middle schoolers? Was do, am I remembering correctly from the book?

Lindsay: Oh, I worked, I with Girls Rock. I had, yes. So I did work with middle schoolers and Youngs and uh, up to high schoolers. This kind of cut out a little bit, so I only heard the very last I. About middle schoolers. It was just, you

Serena: repeat

Lindsay: that was like, oh no,

Serena: this little, this little patient, this younger patient that Ashley was just talking about and the like challenge of just being 12, being in middle school, like coming into one.

Lindsay: in the.

Lindsay: Campers would come in on Monday and they would be within a week, be out of their shell. Completely different kids because we fostered an environment where they could, you know, let their proverbial freak flag fly. We were just like, let's go. And I, I, when, when Foster an environment of free spirit and acceptance.

Lindsay: Especially kids, that's where they thrive.

Lindsay: so mean. Kids are so mean. That's why I. So I've got another book that I'm halfway, I'm ha halfway written, and it's called Don't Be a Dickus.

Lindsay: And it's really about bullying, which we might have to get together to do on some stuff. But then the girl who cried love really needed to come out. That's on hold, but that is on the docket for perhaps a release next year after this one comes out. But, uh, it is so hard. To listen and I, one of my professors at Indiana University was Professor Jamie Hamilton and she has an entire TikTok about bullying and she's got kids and young ones, and she has got some of the best comebacks for like when kids are bullied.

Lindsay: I think that's a fun one.

Ashley: Yeah, that's gonna be awesome.

Lindsay: I'm gonna use her, use some of her information as well, and all of her research. Research.

Ashley: So I don't know what made you, what you said that made me think about this. Oh, you're talking about fans and stuff, so how is it, it's a, you're in a line of work that you can very easily be a victim of vicarious trauma where you're hearing about things and people are sharing about things a lot.

Lindsay: Yeah. How do you

Ashley: manage that

Lindsay: there, I, and I've talked about this before, but there, there was a meet and greet during these meet.

Lindsay: Because it's so emotional, like the things that people go through. And so when that hap, like I just had to stop the meet and greet. We had to take a five 'cause I started sobbing and I had to leave the room.

Lindsay: It.

Lindsay: And it takes a lot of courage. Yeah, that shit's hard.

Lindsay: This is what we look for. This is what we don't look for. That's where we go back. Mm-hmm. And look at our patterns and what were the red flags? What did we ignore? What was it? Mm-hmm. Were we missing in ourselves to allow a certain kind of behavior to take place? And that's what the new book is about. Like what are we missing to allow this to happen?

Lindsay: But just little atomic habits. I'm quoting a lot of books here, reading all the things all the time. Just little steps forward.

Ashley: Yeah. I like the idea of the, it's always, it's always small steps, and then there'll be like these unexpected, really pivotal moments that you'll see like a little light bulb go off, which is awesome.

Ashley: Yeah. And then I think we've gotta get our patients reading more.

Serena: I know. I think we should. I've been like a book club.

Lindsay: Okay. Was another one that I listened to, but it. It's like we're responsible for our own shit. What are you waiting for? Nobody's gonna come save us. Nobody's gonna write this book for me. I'm fighting my own demons like that are delay procrastination. Let me just scroll for another like 30 minutes. Like what?

Lindsay: What, why? Why are we looking up to these people? Why are we looking up to celebrities? What are we doing right? What is going on? It gets back to this distraction and we've get back to ourselves if wanna get shit done. Now, granted, if you don't. If you don't wanna do anything, then alright, that's, that is your choice.

Lindsay: Yeah. Don't bitch,

Lindsay: This year is exciting. I just signed with a new publishing company two weeks ago, signed a contract, so congratulations.

Lindsay: I looking for probably a soft launch, the book. Okay. So I lead for tour on March 26th, so that's just what, three weeks from now? And then, so our tour starts with the band cold on April 3rd. It ends June 1st. So then I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna get my life back in order. But in the meantime, I'll be working with my publishing company on soft launch, and there's a possibility if I can happen, be able to do a cover and get together the Amazon page, I might be able.

Lindsay: That's awesome. This year and more coaching, 'cause that's really my, where I'm, my heart is in music and we don't do that all year long, so. So I definitely wanna start building my inspired AF business with coaches, with coaching and with getting this book, with speaking and, uh, of course self and self love and breaking the toxic cycles that we get ourselves into.

Lindsay: And especially me, I'm the big, I'm the most self-sabotaging motherfucker on the face of the planet. Uh, so there's that. And then back on tour in the fall with our buddies in the band saliva and just a big year. Just a big year. Yeah. A book, a couple tours. Gonna try to relax

Ashley: That's awesome. I feel like now I've got five books I need to go order after this conversation. Speaking of, I can send you a, speaking of being my own worst enemy, I've gotta go make sure I get 20,000 steps and I need to buy books.

Lindsay: So funny, I bought a little walking pad. So like whenever I'm listening to the, like the albums or if I'm listening to a book on Audible, I just got Chelsea Handler's new book on Audible and I haven't started it yet because all I'm doing right now is like listening to this, the two albums that we're playing over, like it's just gonna consume me.

Lindsay: But I cannot wait to listen to Chelsea Handler narrate. I'll have what she's having. She's one of my favorites. So that's also on, on the list. So many books. Your

Ashley: Yes. Alright. Thank you for your time. Hopefully I'll Youre welcome. See you soon. Yeah, I def. I'll see. Are you gonna come to

Lindsay: New York or, I'm not sure.

Lindsay: I'm trying to work

Ashley: it out 'cause I'm actually taking my children to Europe to see my family and Nice. And right in the middle of your tour. But there Gotcha. Is a slight. Slight possibility that y'all might be pit stopping New Orleans after saliva. Just say, oh, I, I've heard about that.

Serena: So Ma will

Ashley: see

Serena: you.

Ashley: We wanna have you, we wanna have y'all here and then we'll come see y'all. I begged Serena to go with me to Cleveland 'cause that's where she's from. It's like a night, right in the middle of the week and yeah,

Lindsay: it sure isn't it. It's like a Thursday night.

Serena: And I got a mom and do those things. Wait, that was what about the

Lindsay: weekend?

Ashley: I might do that. Then look into,

Lindsay: yeah,

Ashley: something.

Lindsay: Look into,

Serena: thanks for planting that

Ashley: seed. I know, I know. It's all it takes. It's like I, yes, all it takes is a, an idea.

Ashley: And Serena and NA will be all.

Lindsay: See you in Flint. See, see in Flint. I'll see you next month.

Lindsay: Yes, for sure. Okay. Well, good luck with all those things. A good one. Thank you. It's gonna be a, this is gonna be a really hard, I don't wanna say hard, but that's, it's a lot of songs. It's, it's a lot like I'm rehearsing here standing up and I'm like, oh my God, I gotta get on my inversion table, my lower back, already fucking killing me.

Ashley: Yeah, that's. It's a lot of songs, but I think that everyone's wondering is it really gonna be start to finish?

Lindsay: I'm like, oh,

Serena: it's not really intermission.

Ashley: Oh, you get it. It's gonna be okay. I change that spot,

Lindsay: have a word that's next level. I'm keeping it super simple this tour. So every, I'm wearing the same thing for each show. I have multiple of the same thing, but I'm just so in case one is disgusting and dirty. I've got a couple more to choose the laundry, but yeah.

Lindsay: Good time. It'll, it's gonna be great. I'm excited. So, alright, I hope to see you too soon. Yes,

Ashley: we'll see you. We'll see you in Flint.

Lindsay: Alright, I'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye You, Lindsay.

Ashley: If you have enjoyed this episode or found it useful, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts from. And check out the website, calm nola.org.